Life in Seasons

I don’t know about all of you, but my life just keeps hitting me with unexpected twists and turns every few months. And I get it, being newly out of college, this is naturally going to be a time of immense change and challenge, but sometimes (most times) it can all feel a bit too much.
Over the last five or so years, each new school year has brought me an onslaught of lessons, trials, heartbreaks, successes, breakthroughs, struggles, and adventures. Each year there also seems to be a single theme, threading everything together into a cohesive bundle. Everything from strength, trust, and honesty, to love and faithfulness, each lesson is important in its own way, and necessary for me to learn in order to move forward in my life.
Right now, I’m in a season of faithfulness. And honestly, when I felt it start, I had no idea what faithfulness really even meant. In a worldly context, I knew it meant continuously choosing someone or something. Always being there and never straying from the commitment you made to one another. It had a lot to do with loyalty. In a godly context however, I associated it to mean God would always provide for me, he would always be there but in some way that didn’t feel completely right. Up until that point I had been reliant on God in providing the right job opportunity for me, and then he did. I moved my life across the country for something I considered to be a dream job. It was hard, and we faced our fair share of roadblocks, but we made it.
Slowly but surely, I started to make a life out East, just as I had done three or four times over throughout college. And then, the worst thing happened. I lost my job. All of a sudden, the frail life structure I had managed to build was blown away by a strong wind and I was left with what felt like absolutely nothing. Not only did I have no direction or hints of a next step, but I also was robbed of my confidence to work in the food sector. I found myself asking, is this really what I was meant to do? Was it really a step in the right direction, or was it just me grasping at straws my senior year, desperately trying to find my place in the system?
It was also crucial to ask myself if this was something I wanted to do. Truth be told, doing social media for somebody other than yourself takes almost all of the fun out of it. Instead of curating a time capsule of your life, with events and people that are important to you, I was trying to sell a product and make a profit off of people, and it wasn’t fun. If I’m uninspired by a project, it shows because no matter how hard I try to frame something in an engaging way, it falls flat because my hearts not in it. So, all in all, maybe it was okay that this happened sooner rather than later. I learned a ton in a short amount of time and now I’ll have a clearer focus moving forward. But when will I move forward is the question. Right now, I feel the wind has been taken out of my sails, and all the shiny opportunity I was promised throughout college is suddenly gone.
So, I packed up my stuff and within a week I began my solo trip driving across the nation. Three days alone in a car will give you some processing time, let me tell you. I talked to friends, cried, screamed, laughed, sang, panicked, sat in silence, prayed, and tried to conceptualize some sort of next step for me. I knew I needed a job, and fast, but what the hell was I going to do? The job I was leaving was a desk job that had me on the computer all day, and if I wanted to steer clear of that, I veered towards customer service and people. So I got a job selling wedding dresses to brides and its…okay. Fine for this season but not what I need long term.
For the first time in my life, I have no idea what my next move is. There’s not a clue of how I make my life-long dreams a reality, because the steps I need to get there are too hazy to make out right now. How on Earth am I going to find a job that involves sustainable food, travel, and helping people while also being project-based, sort of creative, and involving problem solving? To my knowledge, there’s no such thing, let alone have it be somewhat entry level or based near my home. I put myself in a pickle. I feel I backed myself up to a wall by pursuing the thing that brought me joy, and now I have no second option or back up plan.
Don’t get me wrong, food still brings me joy. After assessing the damage for a few days, that alone became quite clear. I still love what I studied. My time in college was amazing from an educational standpoint and I by no means am completely switching industries. I still cry watching Chef’s Table, marvel over Salt Fat Acid Heat, and have small sections of Eat Pray Love memorized. There are passions that have remained cornerstones in my heart, and that feels oh so good right now.
Within this season of faithfulness, I’m grasping tight to the concept that God is in complete control of my life. The definition of faith is having confidence in what I hope for and assurance about what I do not see. Right now, staring into the fog of my future career, that could not be more relevant or necessary. I can’t see anything, but that shouldn’t mean that my hopes for my life be completely negated. I am strong, I trust God, I’m honest with him about how I feel, and I know that he loves me. This has all come from past seasons, and are solid stones I can stand on.
It’s like I’m climbing a mountain. I’ve made it past the protected tree line, and now wander exposed on rock, in the thick of a cloud. But just because I can’t see the peak doesn’t mean it’s not there. For now, I’ll set down my pack and hunker in for a moment’s rest before I continue climbing. And just as before, the seasons will keep coming and I’ll keep learning and eventually I’ll see success. 🙂
So here’s to new seasons and knowing that the only constant in life is change.
xo-
Mon